For The Guys: How Should I Respond to an Unexpected Pregnancy?
By Woodbury Options for Women Staff - 4.10.2020
Facing an unexpected pregnancy can be scary and overwhelming. You probably have a lot of questions and concerns. Reacting appropriately is crucial during this time.
Unexpected Pregnancies Happen.
Currently, about 45% of the 6 million pregnancies in the United States each year are unintended. (Guttmacher, 2020) You are not alone in this situation. Unintentional pregnancies can be nerve-racking-- but remember that you have options. Curious about your options? Make an appointment with Woodbury Options for Women today.
How to Respond.
Unexpected pregnancies don’t affect just the woman. This can be an overwhelming time for both parties. Whether she is your wife, long-term girlfriend, or a casual, one-time partner, you are still the father of the baby. Men who unexpectedly hear that they are going to be a father respond in different ways. If you’re reading this, that means you care - a paramount first step. So, let’s take a look at some good ways to respond to an unexpected pregnancy.
1) Be there
The most important thing you can do is show up. None of the following steps will matter if you aren’t there for her. You might not have all the right words or know exactly what to do – but you can show up.
2) Take a Deep Breath
Okay, you are going to be there for her – that is amazing! But what next? When dealing with an unexpected pregnancy, it is important to stay calm. Though there may be many feelings and thoughts running through your head at this time, know that you are both in this journey together. It is important to work with one another, rather than taking feelings out on each other. Take a deep breath and approach the situation as a team.
3) Think Rationally
When you heard about the situation, your emotions may have taken over. This may have caused both of you to react out of fear, frustration, anger, or any other combination of emotions. Try and put yourself in her shoes. This is an opportunity to love authentically and do what is best for your partner and the baby. Genuine masculinity requires that you don’t run or hide, but that you make sacrifices to put the needs of your partner and the baby before your own needs. Take time to think rationally and give yourselves a chance to discuss what your next step is. If you or your partner feel lost about what to do, contact Woodbury Options for Women, or another Pregnancy Resource Center near you, to get the resources and support you need.
4) It’s Not Just You
When you heard that you are going to be a father, thoughts about how this will affect your job, school, and future likely flooded your mind. This is perfectly normal. However, remember that this affects your partner too. Not only does she probably have the same concerns, but she is also the one physically carrying the pregnancy. If you focus solely on your own concerns, she may feel abandoned. Remember, you should be united in this situation.
5) Ask Her How She Feels
Furthermore, when taking your partner into account, the best way to start is by simply asking her how she feels. By asking her about her feelings, she can express her complicated emotions, thoughts, and in return, ask for your opinion as well. This will allow you to understand where she is coming from while expressing your thoughts and opinions as well. Remember, as the father, your thoughts are valid and important.
6) Know Your Options
When deciding what the next step is, don’t sit silently. It is important to know your options so do your research and provide her with information and resources. Woodbury Options for Women offers free services like pregnancy testing, limited obstetrical ultrasounds, and pregnancy options consultations. Make an appointment today to discuss your options and discover what free resources are available for you and your partner.
7) Create a Plan
Though it may be tempting to walk away from the situation, it is important to take responsibility for your actions and work with the mother to create a plan that’s best for you, your partner, and the baby. Consider your life plans, your relationship, how you can help one another, and your greatest concerns. These factors may be difficult to discuss but by doing so, you can create a more positive, cooperative path moving forward.
You Are Not Alone
Experiencing an unexpected pregnancy is an overwhelming and unfamiliar time for both you and your partner. Your life has changed, and this is probably not what you planned for. However, remember that you are not alone in this journey. Many other people have gone through what you are going through. It’s important to remember that in the blur of it all, you and the mother are in this together. Just remember to follow the 7 steps:
1) Be there
2) Take a Deep Breath
3) Think Rationally
4) It’s Not Just You
5) Ask her How She Feels
6) Know Your Options
7) Create a Plan
We know what you are going though. That’s why Woodbury Options for Women is here. Unexpected pregnancies happen—they don’t have to interfere with life’s plans. Think your partner is pregnant? Make an appointment with us today.
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